Eden's first real Christmas was when she was 14 months old. I cannot even tell you all the things we bought her nor the obscene amount of money that was shelled out. Looking back I realize how foolish that was. She didn't appreciate that, she won't even remember it unless we show her pictures. It has taken 5 Christmas's with children for me to come to the place where I have now arrived. It has been such a process. I was just stuck in this mindset that I had some standard to live up to with my children. That if they didn't get THAT toy they'd asked for 20 times their life would somehow be over. I felt like I had been brainwashed.
I learn so much from "older" moms. I have a few moms in my life that are so wise-truly. Last year I remember a dear friend telling me, "we only get our children 3 gifts". At the time I was in shock. Now while I get the theory I have not cut back to that extent...yet. We will see. I listened in utter disbelief as another friend shared with me that she buys some of her children's clothing second hand for Christmas. "I can't do that, that's not even ok" I thought to myself. I thought that was crazy, then I really thought about it. Why can't I do that? Are my 5 and 6 year old going to look a the items I purchased for them as they unwrap their gifts and exclaim, "This has no tag-is it USED?" It's not happening. And if it did I would want to seriously re-evaluate the morals and ethics I am instilling in my children. I DO NOT want them to feel like things are "beneath them". They don't "deserve" anything for Christmas when there are children getting nothing and going hungry. I see it too often in people of my generation and it makes me wanna slap someone. I don't, I pray for them instead, but you get the idea.
This year as I started making out my lists for Christmas and cleaning out bedrooms and closets to make room for all the NEW toys I stopped. Why do I do this every year? Why do I stress out about what toys to get and how much to spend? Why do I clean out closets and give away or sell toys that have hardly been played with just to make room for more things they don't need? I just found toys in the garage from last Christmas that are still in the boxes, never opened. Don't get me wrong I want them to have things that they ask for, just not everything. I want to simplify. They aren't going to be playing with cornhusk dolls in their empty rooms, they just will have less.
I don't want them to have a bunch of non-sense toys that do nothing. They should be learning life skills. Leaning to clean the house and cook. I'm not talking child labor here people, but there is no reason a 5 or 6 year old can't put the clean clothes that have just been washed in the dryer and turn it on. When I stayed with my new friend Ruthann this summer when I traveled with my sister to Iowa I was amazed that she could tell her preteen daughters to start dinner or wash dishes and they just did it. A huge part of that is being disconnected from all the "stuff" that kids think they need. It's not a bad thing. I don't want my kids glued to a game system or iPod and ignoring me and LIFE. If your child can't go to the store without watching a movie in the back of the van or go to a family function without shutting everyone out there is a problem. I need to be more diligent in teaching my children to entertain themselves. It is NOT my job to entertain my children. I am so sick of hearing, "but I'm bored". AND...? Go play, write a song, make up a new game, color a picture, listen to music, make your bed.
Anyway I will finally get to what I am trying to say which is that Matt and I are not getting our children any toys for Christmas this year. Its not about money either! If I made 6 figures I still wouldn't give my kids everything they asked for because it teaches them nothing other than to be spoiled brats. I know a few of those and it's nauseating. They will get toys from grandparents and that is fine, but I am not going to buy them things they don't need just to live up to a standard that the world has placed on me and a stereotype that says I'm one of those moms who only gets her kids clothes for Christmas. It's true, things they need and thats it. Ask me if I care what people say about it or me-DONT CARE! It has been so freeing to do this. I can't even express to you how it feels. I took the pressure off myself and if they come to realize this is the new normal then they will not be pushing for anything else (for a while). I encourage you to take a look at your Christmas with your family. We all want our children to have a great Christmas, but it's not about the gifts. It's not about the amount of gifts or the value it's about THE GIFT. We get so busy trying to impress our neighbors, friends and sometimes even our kids that we forget that! I love seeing "that look" on their faces when they open something they've been wanting, but I can no longer let that drive me.
