Christmas Gifts

Eden's first real Christmas was when she was 14 months old. I cannot even tell you all the things we bought her nor the obscene amount of money that was shelled out. Looking back I realize how foolish that was. She didn't appreciate that, she won't even remember it unless we show her pictures. It has taken 5 Christmas's with children for me to come to the place where I have now arrived. It has been such a process. I was just stuck in this mindset that I had some standard to live up to with my children. That if they didn't get THAT toy they'd asked for 20 times their life would somehow be over. I felt like I had been brainwashed.

I learn so much from "older" moms. I have a few moms in my life that are so wise-truly.  Last year I remember a dear friend telling me, "we only get our children 3 gifts". At the time I was in shock. Now while I get the theory I have not cut back to that extent...yet. We will see. I listened in utter disbelief as another friend shared with me that she buys some of her children's clothing second hand for Christmas. "I can't do that, that's not even ok" I thought to myself. I thought that was crazy, then I really thought about it. Why can't I do that? Are my 5 and 6 year old going to look a the items I purchased for them as they unwrap their gifts and exclaim, "This has no tag-is it USED?" It's not happening. And if it did I would want to seriously re-evaluate the morals and ethics I am instilling in my children. I DO NOT want them to feel like things are "beneath them". They don't "deserve" anything for Christmas when there are children getting nothing and going hungry. I see it too often in people of my generation and it makes me wanna slap someone. I don't, I pray for them instead, but you get the idea.

This year as I started making out my lists for Christmas and cleaning out bedrooms and closets to make room for all the NEW toys I stopped. Why do I do this every year? Why do I stress out about what toys to get and how much to spend? Why do I clean out closets and give away or sell toys that have hardly been played with just to make room for more things they don't need? I just found toys in the garage from last Christmas that are still in the boxes, never opened. Don't get me wrong I want them to have things that they ask for, just not everything. I want to simplify. They aren't going to be playing with cornhusk dolls in their empty rooms, they just will have less.

I don't want them to have a bunch of non-sense toys that do nothing. They should be learning life skills. Leaning to clean the house and cook. I'm not talking child labor here people, but there is no reason a 5 or 6 year old can't put the clean clothes that have just been washed in the dryer and turn it on. When I stayed with my new friend Ruthann this summer when I traveled with my sister to Iowa I was amazed that she could tell her preteen daughters to start dinner or wash dishes and they just did it. A huge part of that is being disconnected from all the "stuff" that kids think they need. It's not a bad thing. I don't want my kids glued to a game system or iPod and ignoring me and LIFE. If your child can't go to the store without watching a movie in the back of the van or go to a family function without shutting everyone out there is a problem. I need to be more diligent in teaching my children to entertain themselves. It is NOT my job to entertain my children. I am so sick of hearing, "but I'm bored". AND...? Go play, write a song, make up a new game, color a picture, listen to music, make your bed.

Anyway I will finally get to what I am trying to say which is that Matt and I are not getting our children any toys for Christmas this year. Its not about money either! If I made 6 figures I still wouldn't give my kids everything they asked for because it teaches them nothing other than to be spoiled brats. I know a few of those and it's nauseating. They will get toys from grandparents and that is fine, but I am not going to buy them things they don't need just to live up to a standard that the world has placed on me and a stereotype that says I'm one of those moms who only gets her kids clothes for Christmas. It's true, things they need and thats it. Ask me if I care what people say about it or me-DONT CARE! It has been so freeing to do this. I can't even express to you how it feels. I took the pressure off myself and if they come to realize this is the new normal then they will not be pushing for anything else (for a while). I encourage you to take a look at your Christmas with your family. We all want our children to have a great Christmas, but it's not about the gifts. It's not about the amount of gifts or the value it's about THE GIFT. We get so busy trying to impress our neighbors, friends and sometimes even our kids that we forget that! I love seeing "that look" on their faces when they open something they've been wanting, but I can no longer let that drive me.

Learning to Slow Down

Several years ago Matt and I were in a very different place than we are today. We were very involved in the youth group and looking back, it was just the right balance of involvement. The level of commitment still allowed us to have time for one another and our children. Back then I never really thought about it. 


After that season ended for reasons that were completely outside my control, I found it very difficult to get back involved in ministry. I didn't feel like I belonged or fit anywhere. I have a passion for so many things and was just waiting for God to lead me. 


A year ago this month Matt and I went out with a couple from our church for dinner. While there, the gentleman launched a vision for expanding our churches current July 4th celebration and asked for my help. I have always been a planner and it seemed right up my alley. I joined the committee, was involved in planning, secured over 100 give aways for the event and then announced the winners the day of the event (meanwhile I am 38 weeks pregnant). And so it began. I realized how much I loved the planning and the ability to give of myself, my time and my talents to the Lord and to my church. 


By the end of the year I had started co-leading the Mom's Playgroup and Mom's Night Out events, single handedly organized the Christmas Gift and Craft Show and committed to the planning committee for the annual Women's Retreat. Not to mention that I held over 15 events in the month of October for my business. I began to hear, "you're super mom! I don't know how you do it all" As shallow as this sounds I so loved hearing that. It was so nice to be feeling appreciated and as though someone really thought I was so amazing.


By the first of this year everything began to consume me, though I had not yet realized it. I don't tell you this to impress you, only to bring a very real reality to light. As of last week I was involved in or participating in the following committees, ministries etc.


Easter Eggstravaganza Planning Committee
Freedom Celebration Planning Committee (PR and Sponsorship)
Women's Ministries
Impact Expo
MOPS Steering Team
Branding Committee
Mom's Night Out
Mom's Playgroup
Meals for Mom's 
I'm probably leaving some things out and don't forget the others...
Child of God
Wife to one
Mother to Three
Business Owner


About 2 weeks ago everything began crashing down. I had known for some time that I was over-committed and was being pulled in too many directions. My business has been suffering, my house isn't clean, my husband is complaining and to top it off-on the way to Chicago on Saturday Eden called me crying saying that I don't spend any time with her. Broke my heart. 


I began to enjoy serving, ministering and giving of myself so much that I forgot to stop and as myself if I had time to do these things. How would my family be affected if I put one more thing on my plate?? The worst part was loving it all so much that I couldn't decide what to weed out. I am so thankful for the Lord's grace in the times we just don't deserve it. I am thankful that even when we have our own agenda and aren't fully thinking about what he wants, that he is still here to pull us back to reality. 


I don't ever want to love the sound of "you're a super mom" again. There are true super mom's out there and I am not one of them. A few come to mind...


1.) Consuela Parsons who gave up her evening with her 3 children to watch my 3 children to the mix while I got my hair done. A woman whom I have never heard yell at her children and show me what true patience toward a child looks like.
2.) Tami Harmon who is a mother of almost 2 year old triplets. That says it all right there. Actually she is an amazing encouragement to me and is always looking for ways to uplift other women and share the biblical view on a situation. 
3.) Tami Hair a mother of 9 who manages to get all 9 plus herself and a husband out the door and to church 2-3 times a week. I cannot say I could do the same without quitting half way though. She is always put together, never complaining and still has time to head up the new MOPS group at church. 


So the moral of this blog is:
I am not super mom
I need to remember that I don't need to try to be super mom
There are real super mom's out there
Choose your involvements wisely  
Be slow to speak, quick to listen. 

Day 2

I think this is the 3rd day in a row that I have blogged. It must be a record. 

Discipline is the word for the day. This fast already has taken an incredible amount of it. I hadn't realized when I am preparing meals for my children how much I snack out of habit. I eat one gummy snack when I open a pack for Adaleigh, I snag a couple marshmallows when I make apple smiles for snack time. It has become such a routine that I really have to retrain myself. With that being said, I am so happy that we have that ability. I am so thankful that God chose to allow us to have our own free will. I can choose to do whatever I want. I can choose to do something and then the very next day choose not to do that same thing. I am so much stronger than I realized I was. I've got this in the bag! God is on my side and if I trust in him and put my mind to this, there is nothing that will come between me and finishing this fast (no cheating involved). 

So what has on the menu? I'm not an over-achiever like my friends Tim and Consuela, but I did look up several recipes to try because I was at a complete loss as to what I was going to eat. I had visions of a plate with nuts, green beans and a carrot on it. Last night I made vegetable stir fry which wasn't horrible. Then I made a batch of oven oatmeal. The recipe called for almond milk (which I've never had) raisins, natural applesauce, cinnamon, dates and pecans. I had it for breakfast this morning and it was delightful! And dates are actually good, don't know what I hadn't tried them before. I also tried "Banana Milk" which consisted of almond milk, bananas and cinnamon in a blender. Who knew this would be so good? 

What an amazing way to learn to be more disciplined and listen more closely to the heart of God. 

On a completely unrelated note, I need to complain about something. 

I am a very trusting person. I have been most of my life. If you're nice to me and we are even just new friends I will trust you completely unless for some reason you give me a reason not to. I have a tendency to just believe that if someone is nice to me and we hang out a couple times that we have become good friends. I think that is some of my old insecurity starting to come out. More recently it has become very apparent in several instances that I am not as close to several people as I thought that I was. It's nothing that they did intentionally (at least I don't think so), but it is pretty apparent non the less. Matt has commented several times in the last year that we NEVER get invited out by other couples or asked over for dinner. This is completely true. In the 3 years we have been at our current church I can count on one hand the number of times we have been asked out or over to someone's house. Keep in mind I'm referring specifically to one on one and not parties or "couples events". For a long time I dismissed the speculation saying it was nothing, but it has really started to bother me. 

I completely understand that the road goes both ways. Matt and I almost never have people over unless it's summertime and nice out. We do cookouts! Our house is small and doing this allows us to have people over without being confined to a small living area or kitchen table that wouldn't even seat us all. Is this why we are never thought of? Is it our fault? Or is there some sort of system that people use. Well the Smith Family invited us out last Sunday so we need to have them over in the next couple months, and the Jones Family had us over for coffee so we should probably make a Cold Stone date with them soon...

Envy is huge for me right now. I'm not jealous or turning green and maybe it's not even that bad. I am seriously taking this to the Lord though. I feel so envious when I hear people talking about when they were at so and so's house last week or when a pastor had them over for dinner. Or someone mentions something that only close friends knew about previously and I wasn't on the list. I wish I didn't feel that way but I do! Maybe I just need to make much more of an effort in my friendships. Maybe Matt and I both do. 

Proverbs 14:30

A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.

Galatians 5:26

Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

Daniel Fast (Day 1)

So in all honesty I've never done any kind of fast more than a week or so. This Daniel Fast is going to stretch me in ways that I could never imagine. For breakfast I had a peach, so appetizing I know. I have looked up several recipes and I am looking forward to trying them. As I type I have vegetable broth simmering on the stove!

I will try and blog at least a couple times a week and share the recipes I have tried (good or bad).

Reflections

As sit here typing I am drinking my last cup of coffee from my NEW Keurig for a while. Matt and I will be starting the Daniel fast tomorrow, which I will talk about a little more later. I look back on 2011 and begin to reflect on the kind of year that it was I realize that I have so much to be thankful for. I never forgot, but sometimes it's nice to be reminded.

2011 brought us several circumstances to us that were out of our control. We could have easily taken the opportunity at those moments to question our faith and even walk away from God.

Adaleigh fell and hit her head back in the earlier part of the year. After a trip to the local ER she was rushed to Riley Children's Hospital with a suspected brain injury and possible meningitis. After a very long night, lots of tests and some scary vitals she woke up the next morning a little swollen from all the fluids, but completely fine! We were so thankful. The Doctors really had no explanation and she was released. Praise God!

In April after a routine ultrasound we were sent down to a high risk specialist to have a more in depth ultrasound done, because there was something on Gavin's heart. After visiting the specialist it was determined that Gavin had a small hole in his heart. This is something that can be treated with meds after delivery or can close up on it's own after delivery. In a few cases it does require surgery. All we could do was pray, but I never got anxious about it. God gave me a peace I cannot even begin to describe.

In May I ended up in taking several trips to the hospital with severe abdominal and back pain. It was finally determined that I one of my kidneys was almost completely blocked. The condition called Hydronephrosis is many times brought on by pregnancy. I was told that I would likely be in pain until I delivered Gavin and that there was not much they could do. After about a week the pain subsided and soon I was pain free. Praise the Lord for another healing.

In the fall we saw our good friends Will and Sabrina loose their little girl Ashtyn. She was their 4th child. Our hearts were completely broken for them.

In late October Eden started getting sick. It was kind of weird, she didn't have a fever and wasn't throwing up, but looked as if she'd had the flu for weeks and didn't want to do anything. Over the course of the weekend she got increasingly worse. Monday morning Matt took her to the doctor and we were told there was nothing wrong with her. By that afternoon she became more and more sedentary. She just stared at the wall and wouldn't even answer us. We checked her blood sugar thinking she had classic signs of a low and it was 356! Normal for her age is 80-120. We rushed her to the ER and by the time they checked it again her sugar was almost 500. They determined she was in Ketoacidosis. She had lost 6lbs in 3 weeks. Her body had no insulin to keep it going and had begun to feed on her fat. They transfered her to Peyton Manning's Childrens Hospital where she could get care from the best endocrinologist. We found out that she had Type 1 diabetes and would be insulin dependent for life. After several days in the hospital we were released with tons of info and supplies.

2011 also brought us TONS of great things.

My brother joined the Army!

We saw like 20 babies born at our church! I got to be pregnant with my good friends Bethany and Charity. They both gave birth to handsome baby boys!

Jackson Freeman

Caden Ramlal

On July 25th I was induced 9 days after my due date. 

Matt finally got his boy!!!! Gavin Nathaniel Speaks he was perfect. No hole in his heart!!!!! Completely healed. 8lbs 14oz and 21" long.

Adaleigh holding her baby brother for the first time!

Eden holding her baby brother for the first time!

He looks just liked just like Eden!!!!!

Bethany and baby Jackson came to see us!

Me holding Gavin and Charity holding Caden

Several other notable births include Anale born to Becky and Sanford, Brock and Lynlee born to Jesse and Destiny, Charlie born to Consuela and Tim, Judah born to Ricky and Brooke, Keegin born to Todd and Tami, Benjamin born to Adam and Sarah AND FINALLY Ella born to Jessica and Stormy (Yesterday). LOTS of precious little ones!!! I feel like I forgot someone so if I did I am so sorry. 

My cousin Rochelle got married and Eden got to be the flower girl! It was a HOT day, but the wedding was beautiful!

Eden played Soccer and T-Ball this year for the first time.

Matt and I celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary. 

I headed up the public relations and advertising for First Assembly's annual Independence Day Celebration which went off without a hitch. 

I turned 25!

Adaleigh started preschool and loves her teacher Mrs. Wilson

Eden continued preschool in K4 and loves her teacher Mrs. Jones

I got the honor of coordinating the wedding day of Jamey and Monica Young. 

My friend Nicole got married.

Matt started working full time out at Clinton County EMS on the ambulance and LOVES it.  

I planned and coordinated First Assembly's first Christmas Craft Show. It went so well and I hope to plan another one next year. 

Eden's diabetes is under control and she is checking her own blood sugar and taking her own shots. 

Another thing I got to do this year was start attending Life Groups. I am so glad that Matt and I decided to do this. It allowed us to get to know the incredible Hair and Young Families a lot better in the Daddy Doughnut and Mommy Muffins Group.  I was also a part of the First AG Mom's Playgroup life group and had the pleasure of co-leading it in the fall with Consuela. I met and got to know several moms that I may not have if I had not been part of the group.

God opened so many doors for me this year. I have spoken to people that I never would have spoken to and done things I never would have done if not for the help and prompting of the holy spirit. He blessed my business beyond measure. My overall sales in 2011 were triple what they were in 2010. 

I am so looking forward to 2012. I am excited about where my family, my business and my life are headed. I can't wait for all the NEW things God has for us. I am keeping my mind open. 

Back to the Daniel Fast. Matt and I decided to start the year 2012 with a Daniel fast. To be honest I was not looking forward to it at first. However as I have thought and prayed about it cannot wait to begin. I want to start the year with a detox and this is the perfect way to do it. I have never fasted longer than a week, and although I will be eating, not eating the "normal" things in my diet will be a huge challenge, but I am up for it. I believe for the church fast I will be fasting FB! Here is my life Lord, do what you will with me in 2012. 

Who is Christmas About Again?

Christmas brings so many mixed emotions for me. I absolutely enjoy almost every aspect of it. I used to despise my mom for "hating" on Santa. As children my siblings and I were never told that Santa brought the presents nor that he was real. It was in fact quite the opposite. I was not allowed to sit on Santa's lap or even color pictures of him. We were not allowed to write him letters or leave him milk and cookies. Throughout my childhood I thought it was absurd.

When I first became a parent, I convinced myself that allowing my kids to do things like "believe" in Santa and celebrate him as a part of Christmas was ok as long as I didn't tell them, "Santa brought the gifts". I have gotten so frustrated this year about the whole thing. The more time goes on and the less of a big deal I make of it, the more of a big deal the world makes of it. "Santa" is taking over the Christmas scene! He is stealing the spotlight from the one person who is the reason we actually celebrate. People who are not Christians, if asked, will tell you that we celebrate Christmas because Jesus was born (even if that's not why they themselves celebrate). People dance around this topic like they are on eggshells, it's almost as bad as the abortion debate. "Don't mess with Santa".

I am so sick and tired of hearing my kids sing, "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". NO HE'S NOT!!!! Please know that I completely understand that it is innocent coming from them, but I still don't like it. I don't buy Santa wrapping paper or any decorations with Santa on them. I can't in good conscience tell them a story about a man that doesn't exist only to have them be angry with me later for lying to them.

Why not instead tell them of the real man that Christmas is about? Jesus. A little baby who came to save the people of the world from their sins. A man who loved without reservation and saw so much more in people than they ever saw in themselves. Jesus who today still loves without reservation and sees so much more in me than I ever saw in myself. The one who said, "Let the little children come to me", when everyone else was pushing them away.

I want my children to know the Jesus that gives love and life and healing! When was the last time you heard a story about Santa leaving food on the doorstep of a family who didn't know where their next meal was coming from? God does things like that every day and uses servants like you and I to show his grace and mercy to people who are on their last drop of hope.

Where is the line at the mall to have your picture taken with baby Jesus? I wonder given the choice and the two were side by side at the mall (Baby Jesus and Santa) how many people would still get their picture taken with Santa. We idolize a man "who does something nice for children once a year". What about the one who gives us LIFE 365 days a year? What about the one who gives JOY unspeakable. I choose Jesus!

Mixed Emotions

Today has been filled with so many different emotions. As I went to sleep last night I put Gavin in his own room in his crib for the first time. I cannot believe he will be 2 months old tomorrow. He is growing too quickly. I was hoping to wake to the news that our friends Tim and Consuela had delivered their baby boy. Instead I woke up to news that another couple we know had delivered their little girl at 37 weeks still born.

My heart is so broken for them, I cannot imagine what they are feeling. Several families in our church have also been affected by similar situations and it's just so hard to understand. I know that there is no "reason" and that we can ask "why", but there isn't really an answer. Even for someone who is standing on the outside like me though, it is so tragic. An event like this can only make you stronger. Its hard to feel blessed for the precious children in my life when others around me are mourning the loss of a child they will never know.

On a happier note, Consuela did deliver a healthy baby boy today! I am so happy for them and cannot wait to hold him. I'm kinda glad I'm not going to see them till tomorrow as I'm not sure I could handle it today.